As the happy chatter continued around him, James could only look at his mobile phone screen in horror.
He had lost £2,000 on a bet – but he had to carry on with the family celebration at the dinner table around him as if nothing had happened, hiding the guilty secret that was eating him up inside.
Now in his early 40s, James, who has asked for his full name to be withheld to protect his wife and children, started online gambling around 20 years ago and within a matter of weeks, was completely hooked.
“It was just so easy to gamble in secret online,” he said. “I never gambled huge sums but I was in debt and nobody knew. It was a nightmare.
“I got married, had kids, and all the time was gambling, keeping this terrible secret to myself.”
James has chosen to tell his story during Safer Gambling Week (November 18-24) to encourage others who may be struggling to seek help.
His descent into gambling addiction began by taking up an offer of free spins on an online game. “You got £50 free when you first registered,” he remembered. “It was so easy, and it just went from there.
“I was always in debt – at my worst, about 10 years ago, I owed £30,000.
“It was so easy to borrow money then because the credit checks weren’t there. A £5,000 loan could be in your bank account within minutes and spent straight away on gambling.”
James, who lives in Derby, can’t remember many of the deposits he made into his various online gambling accounts, saying the dopamine fix took him into “a different headspace”.
“I would have a glass of wine, get my phone out and start gambling. I lost £2,000 at the table at a family dinner once, which was terrifying. Then I had to carry on as if nothing had happened because nobody knew what I was doing.”
Not only did nobody know about James’ secret addiction, he says nobody ever suspected anything, either. “I’m a family man and in my life I’m so level-headed.”
Last year James said he reached rock bottom and knew he needed to get help, finding the East Midlands Gambling Harms Service through a Google search.
The service, which is run by Derbyshire Healthcare Foundation NHS Trust, offers specialist treatment and support to people struggling with problem gambling across Derbyshire, Leicestershire, Lincolnshire, Northamptonshire, Nottinghamshire and Rutland and has psychologists, therapists, mental health practitioners and psychiatrists.
“When I first told my wife, she didn’t believe me. I was in such a state and I had to show her my bank statements to prove it,” he said. “She was absolutely amazing and said, right, no-one has died, let’s get it sorted out.”
While James’ wife took a hold on the finances, he embarked on the East Midlands’ Gambling Harms Service’s 12-week programme which included preparation sessions and a course of cognitive behavioural therapy to look at James’ gambling triggers and techniques to help him distract himself from the urge to gamble.
“When I started CBT, I was still gambling,” he said. “I wanted to stop and CBT really helped me to look inside my head, work out what is going on and find strategies to divert me away from it. I’m quite a logical person so that was exactly what I needed.”
Now James finds his dopamine hits elsewhere, regularly hitting the gym or going for a run.
“I used to think I was a bad, broken person,” he said. “But the gambling harms team explained why I was experiencing the gambling issues and gave me the tools I needed to beat the gambling urges.
“They can't stop you gambling, you can only do this yourself, but they can give you the support and tools that you need to overcome the gambling issue.”
James finished his 12-week course in the summer and has managed to stay away from gambling ever since.
He said: “Reaching out for help can be a scary and intimidating experience. The gambling harms team understand this and work with you in a non-judgemental way to help you deal with the issue.
“I would highly recommend their service to anyone who has experienced issues surrounding gambling. They helped me massively and by accessing their services you can tap into support from people who really understand the issue.”
Paul Sanger, Operational Lead for the East Midlands Gambling Harms Service, said: “We are a clinical team made up of psychologists, therapists, mental health practitioners and psychiatrists. We are also developing our team, and what we can offer, by recruiting experts with experience – people who’ve had a problem with gambling and found ways to manage it, who can help to support individuals’ ongoing recovery journey.
“This Safer Gambling Week, we want to make sure people know that we are here for anyone from across the East Midlands who needs help with their gambling.”
For more information on the service, please visit East Midlands Gambling Harms Service
